Alive

Elation. An ecstatic feeling within myself, when i was on my two feet again. Burts of pain were seering through my muscles, but it was worth it. More than a month of immobililty had made the ambulatory feeling even more special. A month spent in musing over a plethora of thoughts that sometimes did not make any sense at all. Thoughts which traumatized my mind and body alike. Thousands of agonizing moments had gone by, as i sat everyday like a piece of meat. My routine each day would involve waking up around noon, having breakfast in bed and dally the rest of the hours that i was awake.

I forced myself out of bed and into the shower. The list of work i had piled up for myself exceeded the horizons of the mind. Unwillingly, i carried forward with my day. Put on clothes that reached my hand. Picked up my helmet and trudged towards the bike. The bird was gleaming in the sunshine. The only thing that made me smile that day. A gentle push of a button and the bird woke up. Like a majestic eagle spreading its wings, signalling its arrival to the world. Only this bird did not screech like an eagle, it roared like thunder.

Capricious. The first steps were wobbly, unstable and painful. It was a relief nonetheless. The ankle was intact and fit enough to bolster me. A little disfigured and partly pied in appearnce, it was functioning. Slowly i got around walkin a lot more with the help of my walker. I retrospected the month that had gone by. What i did in those days. What i learnt. Why had i come to such a state? It all seemed to form the solution of a conundrum. A puzzle that was ineffable. A new sense of assurance accompanied by a morbid fear was instilled in me.

A warm zephyr blew through my helmet. In the city of the Chennai, the temperature did not vary much in the course of a year. And that day was no exception. I waited at the signal, wiping the sweat off my brow every minute. My eyes burned from the heat wave and the exhaustion caused by poker exploits of the previous night that concluded a few hours before dawn. It wasn't a disastrous game as i had expected it to be. After all, i was playing poker after a brief hiatus. I closed my game a few bucks up. Any gain was better than a loss. I had slept only for what seemed like ten minutes. A very disturbed sleep. I had too many things in mind. Work, play, plans for the moment, for the near future etc. It was a cavalcade of my P.O.A. in my head. The responsibilities i had to shoulder were at that moment, pressurising me. Pushing me beyond my limits.

Pungent. The smell of the hospital, the syringes, the medicines and most of all, being in a state of contrived solitude. All of it had some reason behind it. What was the cause? I wondered. And then those moments came back.

The signal turned green. I was heading heading to a friend's place to complete some of the daunting tasks that were listed in mental calender. 40 kilometers an hour, steady as military tank, the bird glided through traffic. And then it happened. An innova to my left swerved right into my path. I jammed the brakes to avoid being hit. Unfortunately, the balance tipped and gravity took over. At that moment, I relived the thoughts, my best friend from college, Hari had gone through. I knew I was falling under a bus. I knew the magnitude of the accident was not something that could be done away with easily. My life flashed past me at that instant. I thought it was the end. Half expecting to experience a crushing force. I heard the noise, but felt nothing. And by the time i realized, it was over. Miracle. The bus had nearly missed me by a foot. Althought it did go over my bike. The bird was a contorted piece of metal. Shards of glass from its light strewn across the road. While i lay on the road, gripping on to my helmet for dear life. I was alive.